Nah. Nobody was nervous. If they were, you couldn't tell.
Right......
Game 1:Hoof In Mouth Disease (Gibby/Ralves) vs. The Sody-Pop Gang (JBrown/SG)
Gibby with anticipation (excuse me, I meant "giddy"), the crowd piled into Centre Court awaiting what they hoped would be the first exciting match in a long line of exciting matches. They're still waiting. Gibby and Ralves came out hot and ran the score to 4-1 on the first service. Ouch. SG, who could be played by Val Kilmer as Iceman from Top Gun in the movie version of the tournament, was suffering from an apparent depth-perception issue (non-related to his technologically advanced iPaddle - available in stores this November, just in time for Christmas) and hit ball after ball long. JBrown, in an attempt to rally himself, hopped around like the Ritalin Kid. All to no avail. Gibby was cool as a cucumber and wasn't rattled in the sleightest. Ralves did his part, keeping the ball in play long enough for his opponents to succumb to the mind-crushing pressure. There was to be no comeback.
Hoof In Mouth Disease over The Sody-Pop Gang
21-7
Game 2:No Time Toulouse (JParm/Jance) vs. Chainsaw Sandwich (Charles/Jess)
There were no shortage of head jokes as Jess made his comeback to work (can you at least get that shot to "Blocking" today?) and Centre Court. Shaved head, steely look, and exposed stiches made him look more ornery than usual. Combined with Charles' unflappable cool, Chainsaw Sandwich had the psychological edge over twin chuckleheads JParm and Jance. The advantage wouldn't last long. Not even past the first point. I turned my head for a moment to hack up a fly that cruised into my mouth, and by the time I turned back, it was one-serving-a million or something. Charles may have been a touch rusty after his clarinetting sabbatical. He finally screwed his game back on, and although it was too late for a legitimate comeback, there were some very long and very exciting rallies at the end. Huzzah! Charles took one in the pills late in the game, emulating his mentor Kirk Larkins' classic sympathy move, but it didn't help the cause. JParm put the exclamation point on the game by slamming home the final point. Ka-PLOW!
No Time Toulouse over Chainsaw Sandwich
21-8
The Sody-Pop Gang and Chainsaw Sandwich move to the Loser's Bracket as No Time Toulouse and Hoof In Mouth Disease continue in the Winner's Bracket.
More fun tomorrow!
Have you seen this ex-champion? He hasn't been seen in regular competition since the day he won the tournament back in 2003. Reports of his whereabouts have been unsubstantiated. He goes by the name of Schelesnesny. Schlisnasly? Schisesley? Schisislizzle? Schisneezle? Feasel? Something or another.
A breakthrough in wood/electro/rubber hybrid technology, the iPaddle will see it's first usage at the Tippett Studio Pong Tournament 2005. Steve Gerardin conceived and developed the new paddle and will be using it exclusively throughout the tournament. With its cutting edge circuitry, the iPaddle is equipped to record and process information at an alarmingly fast rate and can be plugged into any computer via USB port for a lightning-fast post-game download. The iPaddle calculates and stores such data as:
Our crack team of court caretakers are hard at work, prepping the table for today's tournament opening games and literally leveling the playing field. Steve Gerardin makes it all go and Kane Brassington gives it the thumbs up. 
Here's a question. Have you ever seen Joel wear sunglasses? Can't say that I have. Anyone?
I was going to announce the teams over the public address system this morning, one every half hour until they were all announced, but I figured that Bay 1 Upper didn't need to hear that crap ad nauseum. So, without further ado (and assuming that nobody's read this far into the introduction anyway), here are the completely randomly chosen teams with their randomly generated names: