Player Quiz: Answer!

James Brown sparked the following exchange:

Guy #1: "He's playing himself onto the "A" list today."
Guy #2: "Yeah, but he couldn't hit the table yesterday."

J Brown is up with people, so offer him a hearty handshake next time you see him. He'll love you for it.

Player Profile: Nate Reid

Nate Reid is a complete mystery in so many ways. Is he a defensive player? Offensive (in pong, people)? Solid in all aspects of the game? Does he stink to high heaven? Nobody knows. Nobody can say that they've seen him play. And while I'm at it, what in the name of corn lightning is going on in that photo?!

A mystery wrapped in an enigma smothered in secret sauce.

Money Talks

Lots of folks have been giving me helpful hints on how to run the tournament. That's nice. Others have been pestering the living shit out of me. Well, that's nice, too.

Here's the deal. If you've got a comment, suggestion, or criticism you'd like to share, I'd be more than willing to listen if you cough up some dough. No cash, I can't hear you. My ears are clogged with indifference.

What's that you're saying? It was nothing? I thought so.

Note: Jonny Tal owes me a dollar.

Player Profile: Mike Brunet

As you can plainly see, Mike is remarkably unstable. Combine that with the fact that he wears Pumas that look like Capezios and has a jawline that Kirk Douglas would be jealous of, you wonder how he moves through society without drawing undue attention to himself. Somehow he pulls it off and makes it all work.

Be sure to give him your best when you see him out and about.

How's That Trophy Coming, Andy?

Soon, folks. Soon.

Open Letter To New Players

Hello,

Let me introduce you to Tim DePala. Tim is a long-time Tippett employee and former child actor currently working on Charlotte's Web and a staple at the pong tournaments. His presence at the games has been such a given over the years that he even holds an honorary title: Designated Heckler. His is the voice that's louder than all the rest, encouraging the players to do their best, cheering a particularly noteworthy shot, or letting you know that you stink and that you just got completely schooled. A popular member of the peanut gallery, Tim knows that nothing is uglier than a cocky ping-pong player and does his best to keep egos in check. Consider it a public service. He's also the guy who will be running side bets and be either rooting for you or very much against you. Nothing personal. Best to work on thickening your skin. Either that or get ear plugs.

Be sure to say hello to Tim when you see him.

Sincerely,

The Rally Chimp

The Kirk Larkins Pill Count

Total: 0

(Just to get things started.)

Player Quiz: Who Is It?

This ponger sparked the following exchange yesterday:

Guy #1: "He's playing himself onto the "A" list today."
Guy #2: "Yeah, but he couldn't hit the table yesterday."

Who are they talking about?

Overheard At Pong

"Why is Jean Shen playing pong in an evening gown?"
- Tim D

Player Profile: Chuck Duke

Two things you need to know about Chuck Duke:

1. They're not booing him. They're yelling, "D-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uke!"
2. He's got a pong paddle with a gun handle! I swear! Ask him to see it when you say hello.

Rules Regarding Service

Everyone has a different serve and everyone has a different tolerance level for the serves of others. Since it's not as cut-and-dried as the ball hitting the roof or going under the net and we don't have any sort of referee for these games, I'm going to let you govern yourselves on this one. If you object to a serve, call it. If you don't really care, just keep your yap shut and play on. I'm hoping that you play on. Remember, though, that if you do get all protesty, absolutely everyone at Centre Court is going to razz you to the point of distraction and your serve will come under intense scrutiny, so make sure that you can take the heat before you pipe up with your complaints.

The New Kirk Larkins!

Hey! Kirk wanted to have a better picture posted to accompany the Kirk Larkins Pill Count, so here it is! Mr. Crotch Target himself!

Please ignore the previous photo of Mr. Larkins. Thank you.

Trophy Now Being Constructed

I've commissioned in-house shop genius Andy Trickel to create a perpetual trophy for the Pong tournament. It is going to be an "Employee of the Month" style wall plaque, engraved with previous winners names and the year in which they won. Although you may recognize elements of the new trophy from previous awards ceremonies, it will be a brand new experience for everyone.

The unveiling date will be announced once Andy is closer to completion. It's ok to be excited about this. It's going to be way cool.

Player Profile: Ken Voss

A staple in the roto department since the days of Evolution, Ken is an avid chess player as well as a veteran of three Pong tournaments. Ken loves ham, Spam, and lamb, and also goes by the names Kenzel, Kensington, Chessington, King Pong - 8th Wonder of the World, and Mrs. Feasel.

Be sure to say hello when you see Ken at Centre Court.

Rule

The roof is out. Any ball hitting the roof will stop play.

That is final. This is not Trick-Shot Championship Pool, people.

The Kirk Larkins Pill Count

Like the sun coming up in the morning and taxes being due on the 15th, Kirk Larkins will get hit in the crotch - or "pills," if you will - with many a ping-pong ball during the tournament. It's a given. He's a magnet for incoming slams. As a courtesy to fans and players, I'll be posting a running total throughout the duration of the event.

How high will it go this year? It's too early to speculate, but Chef Tony Lobay is writing a script to calculate it. It's gonna be huge.

Overheard At Pong

"I'm working on my 'Gibby.'"
- J Brown

"Aren't we all?"
- Joel

Hurry Back, Jess!

Special shout out to Jess Vickery and best wishes for his quick return to action. He cracked his head on the low doorway coming out of Clyde 3 today and required some First Aid. Speedy recovery, my friend.

Scouting

I'll be at Centre Court at break for the rest of the week, sizing up the competition in order to create the most competitive field possible. I'll be ranking all the players as either "A" or "B," then randomly picking one from each column to form a team. There may be a few tweaks after that, just to make sure that no team is too powerful, but that's the process. I've already written "liar" next to a few names on my master list of people who've rated themselves as a "B" when it's clearly not the case. I've got my eye on you folks in particular.

See you at break.

The Quotable PA

"This place looks like a Shaolin temple of ping-pong!"
- Stacz, walking through Centre Court during break

Registration Is Closed!

We've got a full field of 20 participants! That means ten teams - a nice, round number. I'm pleased as punch.

Here they are, the competitors:

1. Kirk
2. Joel
3. Jean Shen
4. Jeremie
5. Dan C
6. J Brown
7. J Parm
8. Mike B
9. Jess
10. Dovi
11. Jonny T
12. Jance
13. Chuck
14. Voss
15. Gibby
16. Robert Alves
17. Steve Gerardin
18. Guido
19. Charles
20. Nate Reid

Good luck, everyone!

Los Prizes!

The prizes have been ordered and they're on the way. Holy cats!

The winning team gets one of each to share as they will. These swank little figures are approximately 6" tall and come sealed in a unique, clear plastic tube.

Special thanks to Hollywood "It" Girl, Mel Gauthier, as usual, for procuring the booty. Give her a shout-out the next time you see her.

Welcome!

Entries are now being accepted for the tournament and we hope to start games on Monday, August 1st.

Welcome aboard, everyone.